Good Intentions, Bad Outcomes: Challenging Benevolent Discrimination
Benevolent discrimination = When someone is biased against another, assuming it is for "their own good."
Here are some common examples you may have even heard in the workplace:
“I can stay late tonight with the boss and work on this assignment. You’re pregnant and we wouldn’t want anything to stress you out and hurt the baby!”
“I can go to the networking event since I’m younger and it requires setting up a table and carrying heavy boxes. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“An escape room for teambuilding? We can’t do that! You know how Joe talks about his anxiety so obviously he won’t go for it.”
While it seems well-meaning, this type of prejudice has significant dangers:
It reinforces stereotypes around race, gender, abilities, etc., which pigeonholes individuals and takes their voice away.
It perpetuates inequality when a decision is made based on factors that have nothing to do with the job.
It can cause resentment amongst employees affected, who may feel “looked over” and could have performed the work with a reasonable accommodation.
So why do I bring this up?
Because I still see this occurring in the workplace (specifically around mental health and returning to work after a leave of absence) and its important as leaders and colleagues to challenge our own biases when making decisions because we think we are helping someone… without ASKING them.
But I would like to share my own example of when benevolent discrimination could have reared its ugly head, and didn’t.
Here is my story.
Circa 2015: My organization received a national award and the awards ceremony was in D.C. (and we are over in Los Angeles). My boss asked me if I would like to accompany our CEO and Board President to D.C. on this trip. I enthusiastically said yes and thanked her for the opportunity.
Sounds reasonable, right? And this is how it should be.
What my boss didn’t factor into this decision was that I was a new working mom, eight months post-partum, and also recently promoted upon returning from maternity leave (so a lot going on in my “new normal”). She didn’t act upon a narrative of “Oh, Megan probably can’t go; she has a baby at home! It would be so hard to leave him and she’s also still breastfeeding. How is she going to do that traveling? And she is doing all this with a new department to run on her own…”
And let’s be honest: these are the exact thoughts that ran through my own head! Even though I immediately accepted going on this trip, I had my own reservations. But here is the important thing I learned: As the person being affected, it was MY choice to determine how I could make this work for my personal life, not my boss’s. In giving me the power to make this decision for myself, I figured it out.
I figured out a pumping schedule. I got to D.C. I worked with my husband to send me photos and updates on my son when I needed them. I even talked about how I was feeling with one of the women from the association giving us the award on the cab ride to the hotel (and wouldn’t you know, she was a licensed therapist who specialized in working with post-partum mamas!).
All these preparations and real-time strategies helped me in two significant ways: Professionally, I was able to enjoy the experience of making deeper connections with my CEO and Board President, owning the room in a new suit and walking across a stage to accept an award to which my professional work contributed. Personally, it helped me connect to the person I was B.M. (a.k.a., Before Momhood) and step out of my caregiving role for a little while. I didn’t realize how much I needed that.
And I wouldn’t have had this powerful experience if my boss had made the decision based on thinking my personal situation would not align with professional opportunities.
Word of caution:
When making decisions around professional opportunities and a bias enters your mind, challenge it with FACTS. In my example, if you were my boss and hesitated to offer me the opportunity, was it based on my personal situation (e.g., a new mom) or my professional situation (e.g., was a missing deadlines, current work was unsatisfactory)? And if my work was suffering, were you having conversations with me about it, identifying the roadblocks and reasonable accommodations to help me? Employees need to be involved in the conversation so you as the manager and leader have ALL the information you need to make an informed decision.
As an alternative, I could have said no to this opportunity based on my personal situation. Sometimes the opposite in business can be true: your boss may not care about your personal situation and expects you to go on this trip because it’s your job! Both of these examples are what happens at each end of the spectrum. The balance, or middle ground, comes from communicating with one another to determine the best course of action together.
Bottom Line:
Benevolent discrimination, despite its good intentions, undermines the very individuals it aims to protect. It restricts opportunities, reinforces harmful stereotypes, and perpetuates inequality in subtle but damaging ways. My story illustrates what can happen when we challenge our own “helpful” stories and allow individuals to make their own choices around career opportunities.
By recognizing and addressing benevolent discrimination, we can create a more inclusive and equitable workplace where everyone has the chance to thrive based on their abilities and aspirations. Let’s commit to empowering our colleagues by offering support based on their expressed needs, rather than our assumptions about what’s best for them.